In the Surrender...

Joy. 

A word we don't hear- or use- very often. A concept that no one brings up in frequent conversation, or maybe even fully understands? 

In the past few weeks I have come to find that my previous understanding of the word was lacking. Who gets to experience it? Why? How? When? As far as the popular concept, we attach the word to huge events and life-changing circumstances-- a wedding. a birth. a 50th wedding anniversary. 

Don't get me wrong- all of those things deserve recognition and in those things we should find joy... But what about the superficial ones? (I'm sure you can insert your own issue here) 

Not to lessen the meaning of the word, or impact of real joy- but My question, and what nags at me lately- is this: 

Why is it a word we don't use more often for the right and real definition? Why do we not find joy in the day... in the everyday... as. often. as. we. can. 

sunrise. quiet before you have to start a day. a morning drive. time to clear your head. prayer. good conversation. a passing wave & smile. one less thing on a to-do list. time to read leisurely. good coffee. sweet memories. photos. a good run. 

whatever. you. love. 

What I have found, (not in all my wisdom- more like after much searching-trust me) is that in order to truly get to a place of contentment, we have to be willing to find joy in what some may consider the mundane. 

Seek joy...     and find contentment. 

and. in. contentment. comes. real. joy. 

big deal for this girl. big. deal. 

Reason being... seeking joy in the everyday requires a surrender. 

Surrender of the previous standards of joy; surrender of what-used-to-be-important. 

Because if we don't surrender... if we are always running and running like hamsters in a wheel seeking this superficial joy- how far will we really go? How close to real contentment will we be?

Hear this again... 

Joy comes in the surrender; 

Contentment comes from seeking real joy, 

So... c o n t e n t m e n t- the real kind-  comes     in     the     surrender. 

Recently I, for the first time in my life, (as much as I hate to admit this) truly surrendered. 

Let go. Turned loose. 

Here's the run down: 

passionate (and maybe, sometimes, a little emotional) girl. lists full of needs. best intentions. seeking things for good reasons, but just              can't           seem       to       get           it. 

Capable and willing to do so much and yet I couldn't line up my wishes with a legitimate plan. 

even. the. good. ones. 

Why are my efforts failing? Where is the joy in what you can't have.... and can't do.... when you want to... and you're capable... and everything tells you it's right?! 

In ............  The ................ Surrender. 

IN THE SURRENDER. 

even when I have the best intentions. even when I have God's will in mind. 

It's not about me. Not my wishes. Not my intentions. Not my abilities- or my willingness. 

Not about how committed I am or how good I promise I could or would be at something if only...

It's all about the surrender.

That's where it is. The joy. The contentment. Not in doing it your way- or doing it in your time. 

Even with the best intentions. 

Even with His plan in mind. 

Because IT'S NOT ABOUT ME... 

IT'S ABOUT HIM. 

So the passionate girl with the rampant emotions let go. lost her grip. had her world turned upside down and ruined only to be put back together in a more beautiful way. 

and the girl wants to live a beautiful life. 

How long has it been since you experienced a good happy cry? 

Rampant as my emotions may be- it had been a while...

Until. I. let. go. 

I let go. Lost grip on the anchor of my own control. 

And took hold of my true Anchor. 

And I trusted myself to the true Anchor. for real this time.

And there. they. were... the tears of joy- and contentment. 

(in the driver's seat of Lola the saturn) 

And In the Surrender...